Diaries, Lobsters, Forevers and other clichés.

Dear Ma and Dada,

I know you're totally confused about the title right now. I assure you, you'll understand soon enough. I wanted to write a poem for your anniversary but my tired brain isn't of any use right now except sifting through random thoughts, and then getting all excited and weird about them.

These thoughts of course started with images of both of your smiling faces in my mind; 'ma in her beautiful bluish purplish colorful sari, and dad in the reddish maroonish shirt from the photos you sent me last evening. Beautiful colors which together made me think about love birds with their vivid colors, their chirping and their everlasting love; kind of like you guys, huh? Love birds. That's what I'd thought would be the title of my poem, which in the end I couldn't write. Love birds. They made me think of lobsters. I told you I get weird sometimes. I'll explain.

You know I used to watch that show called 'Friends' like crazy, right? The one you thought was stupid, Dad :D Well anyway, in one episode, one of the totally awesome characters, Phoebe says something like this:

"It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, you know, holding claws."

This kinda stuck with me. It's silly and sweet at the same time. I did some fact checking, and this isn't technically true but even then, the idea of mating for life and growing old together, and knowing only one love all your life is a wonderful thought which gets a small satisfied/wishful sigh out of me. So, I think about you both and then I think about lobsters and say, "Wow! Dada is 'ma's lobster and vice versa!" Not so stupid now, huh?! :P Thinking about you two is synonymous to thinking about "forevers", "fairy tales", "magic", "romance" and other such mythical things normal human beings like me are in awe of. Extraordinary, that's the word. Awe is another. And whenever I think about things to be in awe of, my mind inevitably takes me to the world of books and words, and people who write these words. Which made me think of diaries.

Diaries. Such strange things. Our relationship with them starts out platonic and detached. We bore them with excruciating details of the day to day activities of our mundane lives. Slowly, we form a bond. We start sharing feelings: anger, resentment, grudges at first; happiness, humor, sadness follow soon; elation, pain, fear, excitement after some time. Our relationship grows as we become friends who gossip and share secrets about crushes and then about life, and eventually we go onto become friends who would take these secrets to the grave. The most powerful feelings of love, trust and faith seal this relationship and change it into something rare, something beautiful, something that lasts forever. So, I hope you see how diaries remind me of you two. Platonic. Friends. Best Friends. Love. Forever. Sound familiar? Apart from this, there is that other thing that 'ma always used to say. 'ma, remember how you told me that you stopped writing in your old diary because dad became your diary, the one you'd write in forever? Well, things like that make a romantic like me swoon!

So, the point of this rambling was just to give you a few examples to show you how both of you manage to beat the odds. Cynics will just hate you guys for proving them wrong. I have watched you from afar and observed you from up close, I have lived with you and grown up in the family that you started, so I think that is enough for me to be an apt judge on love and life, for now :) And the judge has ruled that you both make the most ridiculous and soppy of clichés worth believing in, because looking at you, I know and I believe that dreams and reality can be one, and that forevers are possible. And that is something most people can't even dream of having. 

This is where I end this odd write up. I guess this was my way of saying that I'm glad I ended up being this crazy kid with crazier dreams, and I want to thank you both because I'm me because of you. Because of how you raised me, and because of how you love each other.

I love you. And I love your love for each other. I'm so proud to be your daughter.

Happy 30th anniversary! 30 beautiful, amazing, extraordinary years...and here's raising a toast to millions of similar years that I know are ahead.

Kisses,

Sweety

P.S. I'm too weird, I know. You don't have to tell me.

P.P.S. Thank you for giving me Appu.

Version#3 Provocative...(Guest Entry#2)

A Touch....

He was a wanderer, looking for the most desirable thing of his life, called love. He wandered everywhere, here and there, north and south, east and west, but he could find only money, power, lust ruling the world. He couldn't find what he wanted the most. He had no cravings for the worldly things because the only thing he couldn't have was and will be love. Like a small child, he became restless. He moved on and on and on. He traveled far and wide for his love. The problem was, he couldn't find her.

Then he was enlightened, knew that love is not to be pursued. It is not a thing which is to be searched for, it will come to you. It is the moment which takes you to your wildest of imaginations, turns you into a breathing stone for that moment and you never know when it passes away, and then it starts hitting you hard, your heart beats for her, and only for her till the end of his life.

When there was no breath of fresh air in his life, dried and withered, he saw her, jessie, that love hit him.. he saw her and that moment itself he knew, something was coming and that something passed on too, she did hit him hard and he instantly knew, she is his life's motive, his only life-saver, his breath of fresh air. He wandered everywhere for her, and lo! he she was coming towards him.

He knew he loved her, but couldn't figure out whether she too had the same feelings towards him. He waited for her. His eyes, his thoughts were enough to describe his love for her.

Whenever he saw her at a distance, his imagined touching her, caressing her, loving her, sitting beside her. He never held anybody's hand, but now he craved for that touch.

She understood him, she too desired to be his desire, desired to be his love, his heartbeat.

His wait was over, the day came for him like his love did. He touched her, and it seemed like, holding her hand for life and forever and ever. She was warm, soft, sweet and loving.

The moment was shining brilliantly, she as pure as fire and he as strong as ice, finally met each other. The destiny made them for each other.

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My friend Yuvva (silly :*), (http://uv-yura.blogspot.com/), emailed this post to me as Version#3 of "Provocative"- my previous post....I'm so glad she did this...

And the main inspiration behind this seems to be a touch..."i was inspired after reading this and that, watching this and that... but the main inspiration was the moment you held my hands. ... and the warmth which i felt...", in her own words  :)

Yup, Yuvva you were right...College does seem to be good for at least one thing, huh?;)

Finding inspiration....that too in strange moments :))  

Thanks a tonne angel...:*

Unrequited Love

From where he sits,

He sees all of what's around 

But the one his eyes search for,

Is no where to be found

Desperate for her company,

He roams here and there

He wonders whether its his fate,

And loneliness, he'd ever have to bear

Sad eyes will for her to appear,

A painful cry from the depth of his being

Penetrates the silent world and darkening sky,

Which with him, seem to be agreeing

I watch him from afar,

Yet I sense something is amiss

There is something about him, 

That speaks of pain, and makes me reminisce

There's hurt in his voice and yet,

As he waits, a hope inside him stays

And that, I know comes from one thing alone

An unrequited love, for someone to fill your days

And I see that lonely bird again, 

On the cold wall, as he sings a song

A song of heartache, of a love lost 

A song for the one, for whom he'll always long

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The idea for this post came to me today, as I sat in class in college and looked outside the door (as I was totally bored! :D) and saw a bird sitting all alone on a far-away wall, and moving here and there as if it was looking for someone...I'd seen it there before too once, and as I was already thinking about un-returned love because of my Dad's latest post ;), something just clicked :) 

So here it is...hope you all liked it...I'm so glad it finally broke(?) my writer's block, which has been irritating the hell out of me! :@ :/

Feels great to write...nice to know where I really belong and what I really want to do :)

Good night guys...hope I'll be back soon :p :)

Lost and Found

Shattered glass and broken wings,

Empty glasses and a dark sky

Things went missing or was it just me?

A placid face, trying to hide a lie

Forgotten dreams, hurtful memories

Feelings, once so familiar and real

Places visited and havens marked

I find that now, they hold no appeal

Time flew by and days went by

Seasons changed from winters to springs,

Nothing seemed different, yet everything had changed 

Just with the flutter of a butterfly's wings 

Nothing mattered but the thirst within me,

To search for all that had been lost

The sound of a laughter, the scent of a perfume

The need to find them again, whatever the cost

The more I searched, the farther I got

From the only place I knew to be mine

I ran, and I went to the ends of the earth

And found a corner, where myself I would confine

I found nothing, but only lost myself

I looked down at the calm water so blue,

As I walked on the sand by the sea

But it would hold no reflection of mine,

That I already knew

But then the water caught some light,

And glowed like a big drop of dew

As I searched once again, for a cause,  

This time, I turned to find you

A new feeling was born within me,

As I stood still, looking at you 

And a forgotten,old one was found again

When your face broke into a smile, so true

Realization dawned as I turned again,

With you standing right by my side,

The water answered the question it had refused before,

Now it had nothing to hide

Because what is lost will always be found,

No matter how impossible it may seem

A note in a diary, a giggle and a feel

The love of someone special or a childhood dream

I just had to look deep within myself,

To find a missing heartbeat

I knew then, if things never get lost

Their destinies, they never will meet

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The things happening in the past week and a book that I just finished reading- "A Place Called Here"- and totally loved and found the imagination behind it absolutely bizarre, influenced me a great deal into writing out this piece of 'poetry' for my post. 

I'll quote a few lines from the book just to give you the feel :

"We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes by forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it's easier. Sometimes we find our way out. But regardless, always, we are found."     

Hope you all liked it...:)

Had the most amazing week at home...I think the best Christmas till date, the most perfect one :) Can't believe the dreamlike holidays are coming to an end- I'm in denial :( :D Hope you all had a great Christmas too...Season's greetings to all (I know it's a little late, but still :D) :)

Good night...till we meet again :)

A Dream and a Wish...

On the stones along the pathway,
To hear your footsteps, my ears I strain
And for a long time, that's where I stay
But all I hear, is the soft patter of rain

The wind's starting to get wild now,
And I'm drenched to the bone
The trees sway, and I feel that somehow
They speak a language, that I understand alone

They tell me to leave, and never to look back
Because a storm's coming, and you know what they say
It brings pain and destruction with each attack
Punishing each and everything in its way

Tears mix with rain drops, as I still stand there
I still wait, ignoring each warning sign
For no storm could sway, a trust so deep and rare
And suddenly from far away, I hear a clock chime nine

Time has come but where are you?
I can't take it anymore, my mind starts playing a game
Because each shadow and silhouette too
Reminds me of you, but the forlorn night remains the same

I lift my head to the sky, to see the stars wink
But all I see today, are the darkest of clouds floating by
Finally, my shoulders slump and I feel my heart sink
I cast one last glance over my shoulder, and let the hope that's inside me, die

Maybe I didn't wish hard enough for you tonight
But that is not possible, no one could make a wish so deep
Because with each breath, I wish for your sight
Even if it's for a fantasy I dream, while I sleep

There's a battle within me, that stops me from waking
Not until I see you, will it end
And in my dream, I suddenly feel my saddened heart sing
And the broken pieces start to mend

For I see you move towards me, as first rays of the sun appear
And a rainbow apologizes for the angry sky
But still, things remain confused in my mind and and thoughts unclear
Is it a dream that brings me to you or beside me, you really lie?

Because you are a dream at night and a wish in the morn
All day I long to see your face, even if it's from afar
And each day I know that the dream will be reborn
To be with you somewhere, beyond a distant star

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So, again I don't know what brought this on suddenly...there were some thoughts bouncing around in my mind and then I read some beautiful lyrics, "A dream in the night", and it sort of got me to do this instead of inspiring me to study for my Java practical tomorrow which I really, really should have done :p Oh anyway, please let me know if you liked it, poetry and me is a really new combo which I haven't explored much, so just giving it a shot :)
And tomorrow is the day when I finally finish with my awfully long (it really felt looong :D) 5th sem at college...Yay! *jumping, jumping*
Okay, good night everyone :)

And Then He Smiled...

All I wanted to do, was to run and never stop...

To leave it all behind and to give up, looked so easy and at that time so right...

Standing in the middle of a crowded room, I felt suffocated and looked for a door to the outside...

There it was, at the other end and I started making my way towards it

Pushing my way through the crowd, stopping for no one

But it seemed, the harder I tried to reach it, the farther I got, the more difficult it became 

My legs wouldn't move and I got stuck there, in the middle of a crowded room...

I let go of my pride and I asked for help...

But some just looked at me with blank faces...and some didn't even notice

Some whispered the solution to me and I strained my ears, but couldn't understand the soft words over the deafening sounds in the room...

Some screamed the answer to me, but all I could hear was a ringing in my ears 

I saw them all from where I stood, I read each face clearly

Some seemed frustrated and angry...but still determined to fight on and I wondered how they did it?

Some seemed so immersed in themselves, they would've put Narcissus to shame and I wondered how they did it?

Some pretended to be happy while they were dying inside, and I was amazed at their courage and I wondered how they did it?

Some were filled with spite and hatred, but at least they felt something, didn't they? and I wondered how they did it?

Some were in love and lived in love and I thought whether what I saw, was true...and I wondered how they did it?

Some just had that look of peace and seemed oblivious to the things around them, those were the ones I envied and I wondered how they did it?

The answer to that question, I couldn't find in any face...and I closed my eyes in despair

And my mind screamed at me to run again, without looking back

But I stood there for what seemed like eons...my body numb and cold

And then I felt the softest breeze and it made me open my eyes suddenly...

As I looked around wildly, searching for where it had come from in this cold closed room,

The room suddenly went silent and silence so loud I'd never heard...

I could feel the sweat on the palms of my hands, the wild beating of my heart in anticipation of what was to come...

And then I felt like I saw something familiar,

A face with writings on it, not unlike mine...

With the saddest pair of eyes I'd ever seen...

From across the room, those eyes spoke to me and I could understand what they said...

And mine talked back effortlessly and for the first time I felt that someone had heard me...

And then the stranger, who I somehow knew, smiled...a smile like that, I'd never seen 

I felt everything at once then...relief, pain, joy, understanding, trust... 

I wasn't alone and I felt something grow inside my heart

And I said to myself, "Is this what they call hope?" 

If those sad eyes had survived, maybe I could too...it was worth a try

I felt life being pumped back into my heart, into my whole being

And the sounds of the room were now starting to come back to me...

A mixture of  happy and sad and real  faces, I could see again   

But now the room didn't seem like the one it was before...it had all of it's doors open

The sunlight seemed to pour in...

The crowd didn't seem intimidating any more...

I could feel courage grow inside me as I took my first step to cross the room

I reached the end, where he still stood...and I stared at him still wondering how he'd known

But he just looked right into my eyes again and gave another of those startling smiles...

And I didn't need the answers anymore...

And for the first time in ages, I felt myself smiling back.

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Okay, so if anyone is wondering why I wrote this, I'm sorry because I really don't know myself. Just feeling kind of angsty...I was thinking about the past, when I was about 13 to 14 and how I used to feel and what a really strange time it was for me. How dark everything used seem...how out of place I always felt...and how lonely I always used to be especially when surrounded by hundreds of people and then  how I finally got out of that mode. So these thoughts were just going around and around in my head until, I guess, they sort of decided to come out like this. Hope you liked it :) and I think some might even relate to it ;)  

I've been dying to write but exams came in the way...just one more to go then I'll be a free bird! (*jumps*)

I'll be back soon...and yeah,If anyone's worried, stop, stop, stop 'cause I'm all smiles now :):):)