And Then He Smiled...

All I wanted to do, was to run and never stop...

To leave it all behind and to give up, looked so easy and at that time so right...

Standing in the middle of a crowded room, I felt suffocated and looked for a door to the outside...

There it was, at the other end and I started making my way towards it

Pushing my way through the crowd, stopping for no one

But it seemed, the harder I tried to reach it, the farther I got, the more difficult it became 

My legs wouldn't move and I got stuck there, in the middle of a crowded room...

I let go of my pride and I asked for help...

But some just looked at me with blank faces...and some didn't even notice

Some whispered the solution to me and I strained my ears, but couldn't understand the soft words over the deafening sounds in the room...

Some screamed the answer to me, but all I could hear was a ringing in my ears 

I saw them all from where I stood, I read each face clearly

Some seemed frustrated and angry...but still determined to fight on and I wondered how they did it?

Some seemed so immersed in themselves, they would've put Narcissus to shame and I wondered how they did it?

Some pretended to be happy while they were dying inside, and I was amazed at their courage and I wondered how they did it?

Some were filled with spite and hatred, but at least they felt something, didn't they? and I wondered how they did it?

Some were in love and lived in love and I thought whether what I saw, was true...and I wondered how they did it?

Some just had that look of peace and seemed oblivious to the things around them, those were the ones I envied and I wondered how they did it?

The answer to that question, I couldn't find in any face...and I closed my eyes in despair

And my mind screamed at me to run again, without looking back

But I stood there for what seemed like eons...my body numb and cold

And then I felt the softest breeze and it made me open my eyes suddenly...

As I looked around wildly, searching for where it had come from in this cold closed room,

The room suddenly went silent and silence so loud I'd never heard...

I could feel the sweat on the palms of my hands, the wild beating of my heart in anticipation of what was to come...

And then I felt like I saw something familiar,

A face with writings on it, not unlike mine...

With the saddest pair of eyes I'd ever seen...

From across the room, those eyes spoke to me and I could understand what they said...

And mine talked back effortlessly and for the first time I felt that someone had heard me...

And then the stranger, who I somehow knew, smiled...a smile like that, I'd never seen 

I felt everything at once then...relief, pain, joy, understanding, trust... 

I wasn't alone and I felt something grow inside my heart

And I said to myself, "Is this what they call hope?" 

If those sad eyes had survived, maybe I could too...it was worth a try

I felt life being pumped back into my heart, into my whole being

And the sounds of the room were now starting to come back to me...

A mixture of  happy and sad and real  faces, I could see again   

But now the room didn't seem like the one it was before...it had all of it's doors open

The sunlight seemed to pour in...

The crowd didn't seem intimidating any more...

I could feel courage grow inside me as I took my first step to cross the room

I reached the end, where he still stood...and I stared at him still wondering how he'd known

But he just looked right into my eyes again and gave another of those startling smiles...

And I didn't need the answers anymore...

And for the first time in ages, I felt myself smiling back.

....................................................................................................................................................................

Okay, so if anyone is wondering why I wrote this, I'm sorry because I really don't know myself. Just feeling kind of angsty...I was thinking about the past, when I was about 13 to 14 and how I used to feel and what a really strange time it was for me. How dark everything used seem...how out of place I always felt...and how lonely I always used to be especially when surrounded by hundreds of people and then  how I finally got out of that mode. So these thoughts were just going around and around in my head until, I guess, they sort of decided to come out like this. Hope you liked it :) and I think some might even relate to it ;)  

I've been dying to write but exams came in the way...just one more to go then I'll be a free bird! (*jumps*)

I'll be back soon...and yeah,If anyone's worried, stop, stop, stop 'cause I'm all smiles now :):):)