She never told me,
But I knew, I really did
It gave her away,
The cheerful mask behind which she hid
Suddenly there was an emptiness,
In those beautiful eyes
That I couldn't fathom
And which she couldn't hide with lies
She always tried to escape,
And looking into her eyes, I saw
Something broken behind them,
In a sparkling diamond, a crack, a flaw
She had needed me and I failed her,
Till today, I know not why?
I didn't ease her pain, her hurt,
Not once did I even try
Then one morning I rose,
To a feeling of emptiness, so fierce
She was gone, leaving behind a note,
That was soaked in her tears
I keep it like a treasure,
Her only piece that was mine
It read, "Dad, I love you,
I'm sorry, I'll be fine"
I was filled with an ache,
That only losing your child can bring
I understood then the emptiness I had seen
For now, I felt the same thing
She'd given up her baby,
It had changed her life forever,
My little girl, only sixteen
And now each of her ties, she'd sever
A conversation, a hug, she had needed
To let her know, I had cared
I wish I had told her, she wasn't alone
That I was also scared
......................................................................................................................................................................
I read a novel recently in which a girl of eighteen, not sixteen like in my poem, runs away from home, as much as from herself, after going through the trauma of having an abortion about which she doesn't ,or rather, couldn't tell her father...but he knew...and I wrote these lines trying to capture his feelings, his point of view.
I didn't plan on writing this, it's a very difficult subject for me to write about but there were parts of the book that remained with me.
There was another source of inspiration that actually made me think about this book again and brought me the title of the poem, that came from words from another novel:
"It's like I'm an oyster. I've had this sharp speck inside me for a long time, and I've been trying to make it more comfortable, so slowly I've turned it into a pearl. But now it's finally being taken out, and just as it's going I'm realizing there's a gap being left behind, you know a dent in my belly where it used to sit. And so I kind of want to hold onto it for a little longer."
Both the novels are totally not related to and cannot be more different from each other but I found some lines which I felt evoked the same feelings in me and I wove them together.
As usual, I get inspired at the oddest of times! My exams start in less than a week and here I am struggling to give words to the emotions that refuse to die down...
The images were all found on Google. For those who want to know the names of the two novels: The one which inspired the plot is- Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Picoult, and the one which inspired the title is- The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid.
Hope you liked it :) Till next time then.
