Familiar

Eyes startled open
A loud ringing somewhere

Blink
Catch your breath
Blink again

A flash through the haze
The painfully bright screen
Of an abandoned phone

It's 5 pm
Dark, bleak and silent
Familiar

Wasn't this the place you just escaped?
Maybe you're still dreaming
Maybe you're still there

Pinch yourself
Groan
It's reality alright

Not much different than your dreams
Fear, insecurities, monsters
They follow you here too

Conniving bunch
Shapeshifters, you call them

Your throat's tight
As you hug the pillow close
You can't seem to escape it
Maybe you even like it

It doesn't seem to matter
Eyes open, eyes close
You always end up there
So why open them at all?

A drawn out breath
Escapes your open mouth
The sound somewhere between
A wail and a content sigh

Your eyes flicker shut
On your last thought

Give in
It's too tiring anyway.

Prying Eyes

Hidden lies, guilty secrets
A night of prying eyes discovered

Face went white, heartbeats quickened
As Pandora opened her box

Confrontation never looks pretty
This one had an ugliness never seen before

Words danced about, angry and unrestrained
But the soul weakened with each utterance

What do you know,
The truth ain't pretty either

The circle of trust fades away
In its place is now a big blotch of doubt

The prying eyes are just tired now
The guilty secrets, just mistakes

What's left?
A dull ache
A hollow of other words that were swallowed
No hate. No love.

Isn't that just fair enough?
The prying eyes got just what they deserved.

Blur

A blur of colors, a smile, a meeting of eyes

I swiftly turn around to see

The beautiful haze I just blinked through.

A whiff of pine and cider, 

The tail of a scarf, red and green.

That laughter; 

The melody of which tinkles in my ears for a second, 

But a second too long nonetheless

For I find myself breathless

I don't approach her

For my moment of bliss was perfect.

Poison

It started out as a speck. A little dot. A doubt. 

Black, acidic, burning venom 

Stinging everyone in its path

It grew.

What do you do?

How do you deal with this poison?

Distress, pain, hatred, bitterness

That's what it causes; 

And

That's why it's alive in the first place.

Dark spots under your eyes on your pale skin; proof of its existence. 

When you cry for help, it feeds on your desperation.

It grows. A little stronger, a little larger.

When you try to fight back, it makes fun of your puny efforts.

It laughs its cruel laugh.

It grows. 

Tears become black thick tar. 

You feel it enveloping your world, making it colorless.

The speck has become significant now.

It's all your life revolves around.

It's all you see.

Or do you?

Because you're blind now, right?  

My Land Dweller

A letter from the "Angel of the Sea" to her "Land Dweller"

Dear Land Dweller,

"You're all set to travel,

And take the road not taken

You're scared and nervous, I know

But excited too, if I'm not mistaken"

You're starting a new chapter of your life. I know it's scary. You'll be away from home, you'll feel lonely and homesick on some days. But you know what, it gets better and easier and fun as the days go by. You need this. You'll learn to be independent and free. And you'll be a better person because of it. And think about all the people whose lives you're going to touch, just like you did mine. I'm sure there's someone out there who needs you to be their friend as much as I do. Do for them what you did for me. Be the happy-go-lucky, strange, softhearted, and kind person that you are. Be yourself. That's enough. 

Don't you ever forget how special you are. You're amazing and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Be brave and strong through the difficult stuff that'll definitely come your way. And when you think you can't do it all alone, give me call. That's what I'm there for. Don't you dare hesitate to call me when you need me.  

You'll do fine, better than fine, better than great in fact. Don't you worry. I know our ways our different. And it's silly to think that they'll ever be the same, but you do know that the sea and land have to meet somewhere right? So that's it, we'll meet there seeing a beautiful sunrise together one day.   

Have fun, learn new things, go out, make mistakes, and do everything you've always wanted to do. I'll always be there to back you up! And live up to your name, land dweller. Roam around, see new places, make new friends, see the world with a different perspective, don't regret anything and do crazy things! Take loads of photos and send them to me.

I'm so glad you found me. Or maybe I found you. You know why I say this, so I won't "dwell" on it anymore :P I'll always carry you in a special corner of my heart: the heart of the sea, the heart of the ocean. I'll miss you.

Be brave, happy and safe. I love you loads! <3

"With each wave, I'll try to touch the shore,

And be as close to you as I can

The I'll take you with me around the world,

Sail across the seven seas, that'll be our plan"

"We were never meant to be together,

But we always find a way, a beach, a shore

You'll always be my land dweller,

And I couldn't ask for more"  

Congratulations on your new beginning. All the very best!

Hugs and kisses,

Your lucky charm aka Angel of the sea aka Cathy

P.S. You're allowed to make new friends :P But if anyone of them tries to replace me, I'm going to kick their butt!  

Diaries, Lobsters, Forevers and other clichés.

Dear Ma and Dada,

I know you're totally confused about the title right now. I assure you, you'll understand soon enough. I wanted to write a poem for your anniversary but my tired brain isn't of any use right now except sifting through random thoughts, and then getting all excited and weird about them.

These thoughts of course started with images of both of your smiling faces in my mind; 'ma in her beautiful bluish purplish colorful sari, and dad in the reddish maroonish shirt from the photos you sent me last evening. Beautiful colors which together made me think about love birds with their vivid colors, their chirping and their everlasting love; kind of like you guys, huh? Love birds. That's what I'd thought would be the title of my poem, which in the end I couldn't write. Love birds. They made me think of lobsters. I told you I get weird sometimes. I'll explain.

You know I used to watch that show called 'Friends' like crazy, right? The one you thought was stupid, Dad :D Well anyway, in one episode, one of the totally awesome characters, Phoebe says something like this:

"It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, you know, holding claws."

This kinda stuck with me. It's silly and sweet at the same time. I did some fact checking, and this isn't technically true but even then, the idea of mating for life and growing old together, and knowing only one love all your life is a wonderful thought which gets a small satisfied/wishful sigh out of me. So, I think about you both and then I think about lobsters and say, "Wow! Dada is 'ma's lobster and vice versa!" Not so stupid now, huh?! :P Thinking about you two is synonymous to thinking about "forevers", "fairy tales", "magic", "romance" and other such mythical things normal human beings like me are in awe of. Extraordinary, that's the word. Awe is another. And whenever I think about things to be in awe of, my mind inevitably takes me to the world of books and words, and people who write these words. Which made me think of diaries.

Diaries. Such strange things. Our relationship with them starts out platonic and detached. We bore them with excruciating details of the day to day activities of our mundane lives. Slowly, we form a bond. We start sharing feelings: anger, resentment, grudges at first; happiness, humor, sadness follow soon; elation, pain, fear, excitement after some time. Our relationship grows as we become friends who gossip and share secrets about crushes and then about life, and eventually we go onto become friends who would take these secrets to the grave. The most powerful feelings of love, trust and faith seal this relationship and change it into something rare, something beautiful, something that lasts forever. So, I hope you see how diaries remind me of you two. Platonic. Friends. Best Friends. Love. Forever. Sound familiar? Apart from this, there is that other thing that 'ma always used to say. 'ma, remember how you told me that you stopped writing in your old diary because dad became your diary, the one you'd write in forever? Well, things like that make a romantic like me swoon!

So, the point of this rambling was just to give you a few examples to show you how both of you manage to beat the odds. Cynics will just hate you guys for proving them wrong. I have watched you from afar and observed you from up close, I have lived with you and grown up in the family that you started, so I think that is enough for me to be an apt judge on love and life, for now :) And the judge has ruled that you both make the most ridiculous and soppy of clichés worth believing in, because looking at you, I know and I believe that dreams and reality can be one, and that forevers are possible. And that is something most people can't even dream of having. 

This is where I end this odd write up. I guess this was my way of saying that I'm glad I ended up being this crazy kid with crazier dreams, and I want to thank you both because I'm me because of you. Because of how you raised me, and because of how you love each other.

I love you. And I love your love for each other. I'm so proud to be your daughter.

Happy 30th anniversary! 30 beautiful, amazing, extraordinary years...and here's raising a toast to millions of similar years that I know are ahead.

Kisses,

Sweety

P.S. I'm too weird, I know. You don't have to tell me.

P.P.S. Thank you for giving me Appu.

Emptiness

 

She never told me,

But I knew, I really did

It gave her away,

The cheerful mask behind which she hid

Suddenly there was an emptiness,

In those beautiful eyes

That I couldn't fathom

And which she couldn't hide with lies

She always tried to escape,

And looking into her eyes, I saw

Something broken behind them,

In a sparkling diamond, a crack, a flaw

She had needed me and I failed her,

Till today, I know not why?

I didn't ease her pain, her hurt,

Not once did I even try

Then one morning I rose,

To a feeling of emptiness, so fierce 

She was gone, leaving behind a note,

That was soaked in her tears

 

I keep it like a treasure,

Her only piece that was mine

It read, "Dad, I love you,

I'm sorry, I'll be fine"

I was filled with an ache,

That only losing your child can bring

I understood then the emptiness I had seen

For now, I felt the same thing

 

 She'd given up her baby,

It had changed her life forever,

My little girl, only sixteen

And now each of her ties, she'd sever

A conversation, a hug, she had needed

To let her know, I had cared

I wish I had told her, she wasn't alone

That I was also scared

......................................................................................................................................................................

 I read a novel recently in which a girl of eighteen, not sixteen like in my poem, runs away from home, as much as from herself, after going through the trauma of having an abortion about which she doesn't ,or rather, couldn't tell her father...but he knew...and I wrote these lines trying to capture his feelings, his point of view.

I didn't plan on writing this, it's a very difficult subject for me to write about but there were parts of the book that remained with me. 

There was another source of inspiration that actually made me think about this book again and  brought me the title of the poem, that came from words from another novel:

"It's like I'm an oyster. I've had this sharp speck inside me for a long time, and I've been trying to make it more comfortable, so slowly I've turned it into a pearl. But now it's finally being taken out, and just as it's going I'm realizing there's a gap being left behind, you know a dent in my belly where it used to sit. And so I kind of want to hold onto it for a little longer."

Both the novels are totally not related to and cannot be more different from each other but I found some lines which I felt evoked the same feelings in me and I wove them together.

As usual, I get inspired at the oddest of times! My exams start in less than a week and here I am struggling to give words to the emotions that refuse to die down...

The images were all found on Google. For those who want to know the names of the two novels: The one which inspired the plot is- Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Picoult, and the one which inspired the title is- The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid.

Hope you liked it :) Till next time then.